im in the process of forming a real romantic relationship and we are working on it slowly and im dying inside because i dont know what to do but i really like him!!!!!
my heart feels heavy and my life feels so hopeless and i just dont want to do this anymore
if i'm not completely absorbed reading fanfiction, i'm spaced out or asleep and it's really bad how much of a crutch fanfiction is for me. i've pushed off eating for hours just to read and i have an essay due tomorrow that i haven't worked on because i was reading. i had spent 9 consecutive hours, from 11AM to 8PM, reading instead of doing anything actually productive today.
i hate this it's so fucking stupid but i don't want to stop.
i want to explore and live an exciting life. i want to discover new things for myself, to see the world outside of home.
i want to leave everything behind and just
i wish my life was a fantasy because that's what i want to live. an imagined world of fantasy and adventure that has no place in reality.
which really needs to change because i can't keep breaking down through twitter and not using this when i kept this lj for the purpose of freak-out-venting.
i just don't know how to put myself into words anymore and i'm so frustrated at how scared and hateful i am of everything